Why Does Grief Last So Long Compared To Other Emotions?

Why does grief last longer than other emotions? We are sure that you have been sad several times in your life. But has your pain ever persisted without you knowing why? Sometimes grief comes into your mind as the very worst companions. It pulls you inward and casts a shadow over everything else in your life for several days or even weeks.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said ” Sorrow is one of the vibrations that prove the fact that we live. ” Maybe he was right. It may be that few emotions are such obvious examples of what human existence so often is: having to deal with disappointments, losses, grief and echoes of things you will never see again.

What we do know for sure is that you can not run away from grief or hide it as an unwanted toy. Grief lasts longer than emotions such as surprise, happiness, boredom, disgust or even anger. There is a reason for that, and we will talk about it in today’s article.

Reasons why grief lasts longer than other emotions

Grief has a bad reputation. We do not know what to do with it, and when we experience grief, we will remove it as soon as possible. Not only that, but usually if someone sees that you are sad, they will say something like “Smile! Do not be sad. Life is too short!”

In our collective ideology, we associate sadness with weakness, so maybe that’s why we are not good at dealing with it. Paul Ekman, a pioneer psychologist in the field of emotion, says that we would have better mental health if we understood more about these psychophysiological conditions.

First, something Ekman explains in books such as Knowing Our Emotions (co-authored with Daniel Goleman) is that grief lasts longer than other emotions for a very specific reason: It consists of many other emotions. In other words, grief never comes on its own. It’s like the cork of a bottle. When you pull it out, you discover anger, irritation and even fear.

Dissecting grief, finding out what it is made of, can help you understand it and move on. However, other factors also explain why this feeling is so persistent.

Grief is proportional to the event that causes it and how you interpret it

You’ve been in a relationship for five years, and you’ve invested everything in your partner. You have tried your best to make things work, but in the end you realize that the healthiest thing you can do is end the relationship. After the breakup and so much time fighting for that love, you feel infinitely sad. That sadness lingers for months or even years.

However, someone else in your position may interpret that resolution as a relief. This little example shows us something very simple. Grief lasts longer than other emotions because the things that trigger it are deeper. They are often related to events that can be traumatic. Still, it all depends on how you interpret these experiences.

In addition to how you handle the event, your coping skills play a role. Some people are more resilient when it comes to dealing with adversity. Others retire to a helpless state that makes the grief last longer.

Danger of rumination: When your mind gives sadness

The Catholic University of Louvain conducted a study that sought to gain a deeper understanding of human emotions. The researchers were interested in knowing how long psychophysiological realities such as happiness, fear and shame last. One thing they discovered is that happiness is not one of the long lasting emotions.

• Emotions such as fear, surprise, boredom and disgust were very brief. Of all the emotions they analyzed, sadness seemed to be the most enduring.
• The researchers wanted to understand why this may be the case. Why does grief last for weeks or months? The answer lies in your thought patterns.

• Chewing gum and twisting and turning a triggering thought over and over in your mind makes it difficult for grief to disappear.

Not being able to let go of what caused disappointment, loss, or suffering not only makes the sadness more lasting. It reinforces it too.

There’s something else in play here as well. Sadness can sometimes appear without a concrete motive. In that case, your thoughts continue to nourish under the flames of sorrow and intensify the suffering and negativity.

Why does grief last longer than other emotions? Because of our opposition to it

One of the reasons why grief lasts so long is because we try to resist it or avoid it. Refusing to accept this feeling makes it very difficult to deal with it.

An emotionally healthy approach is to validate each emotion and understand that complicated emotions are normal in abnormal situations. Understanding them, accepting them and knowing how to deal with them provides balance in your life. Acknowledging that your emotions are normal makes it possible to face adversity with strength and resilience.

Therefore, it may be time to think about many things you have learned about grief. Strength does not mean accepting everything and pretending to be well. To be brave means to fall and rise again, to cry to make you feel better, and to seek refuge and wisdom in introspection.

Denying your feelings, weakening your strength and pretending nothing hurts you only deepens your wounds and makes the grief last longer. As Antonio Damasio pointed out, humans are not rational beings who become emotional, we are emotional beings who know how to reason. Having a solid understanding of your own feelings will help you live a more fulfilling and healthy life.