Trust: “The Glue ” In Life And All Relationships

Trust is what keeps a meaningful relationship together. Trust, along with integrity and coherence, is what makes a relationship good. Very few psychological aspects are as important and complex as allowing ourselves to trust someone. It’s like giving away a part of yourself.

If we stop to think about it for a second, we realize that trust plays a role in all kinds of things we do every day. Getting into a taxi, for example, means you trust the person driving the car. Going to the doctor, getting an operation means relying on the doctor’s skills.

It is true. Every time we go out on the street, we trust that no one will hurt us. We trust that our friends will continue to be our friends. That life will continue. With all the same rules, with pieces of calm in the middle of chaos, balance in the bustle of daily life.

But instead we can see our reality from a perspective of permanent mistrust. If our perspective is one of uncertainty and fear, we fall into a kind of frightening neurosis. Distrust is crippling. It makes any kind of healthy relationship impossible.

Distrust “disconnects” us from life and leaves us in a dark, threatening corner. This is for a very simple reason. Humans are social creatures by nature, and we are created to connect with each other. Sometimes this does not happen, or worse, we experience disappointment or betrayal. When this happens, our brain sees it as a real, deep, painful wound…

The neuroscience of trust

Santiago experienced the worst betrayal of his life a few years ago. His best friend, classmate and colleague took credit for a project they did together. Since then, many have asked him to find a way to forgive his friend and move on, let go of the bitterness. But Santiago does not feel he can. And since then, his personality has become somewhat more reserved, cautious and especially suspicious.

Santiago describes this friendship as being like two trapeze artists doing a dance in the air. Together, they took on risks and challenges. But he was never afraid. His friend’s hands were always there to catch him in the air. Until one day he let him fall. The pain from that fall has not gone away.

We can explain all these feelings on a neurological level with some interesting processes.

Oxytocin

There are several experts who have something to tell us about this topic. According to them, oxytocin can be the real “glue” in our social relationships. What it does is create a bond of trust. What makes us generous and who interprets these as positive and rewarding.

So when we experience the exact opposite of such processes, our brain interprets it as a threat. Then it releases cortisol: the stress and anxiety hormone.

The frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex

Every social process we look at positively stimulates a very specific area of ​​the brain: the frontal lobe. This part of our brain handles rewards and positive emotions. This is also the area where we collect memories related to our relationships. It helps us make decisions based on these memories.

So, something we can see is that positive social processes form a stronger brain. A brain with less fear, insecurity and anxiety. But sometimes all that is needed is a betrayal that one Santiago went through. In his case, the activity in that part of his brain can change completely.

In fact, emotional disappointments stimulate the same pain centers as when we experience an actual burn, for example. All this leads us to the conclusion that sincere pro-social, trusting behavior and relationships are crucial to health. Experience the opposite, and we feel left out, disconnected from life for a while…

Trust, an attitude to life

We have all felt disappointment. We know how it tastes, and why our brain interprets it as a physical injury. Why it sees it as the breach of something we thought was unbreakable and long lasting. We can feel humbled. And even worse, think it’s our own fault since we chose to trust the person.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The error never belongs to the one who trusts. Because it is our nature, because trust is an instinct.

The fault belongs to the person who betrays. Because nothing is as offensive as breaking a social bond for personal gain. Nothing is as illogical as going against one of the most basic principles of humanity as respect for people who trust us.

But there is something fundamental in all this that we should not forget. We should be able to look beyond how some people treat us sometimes. We must understand that trust is an attitude to life in general. It is not an attitude towards certain people that has hurt us in the past. To live, move on and grow means to assume that there will be a risk.

Trust is an attitude that can bring us to a happier, freer and more honest future.

Images reproduced with permission of © Tomasz Alen Kopera