The Three-hour Rule – Tantrums In Adults

The three-hour rule helps adults cope with disappointment. Surprisingly, tantrums in adults are very common, even if they are not visible and striking as children. As a rule, an adult is more discreet, calm and quiet because, after all, they also have to face their frustrations. They have to deal with the unfortunate feelings that cause them to lose their composure.

Admit it, neither the years nor the maturity made you an effective creature when it comes to your emotions. It is true that on some occasions we meet adults who explode in tantrums similar to those of three-year-old children. Be aware that every person still has their own inner child and that they are still hurt and disappointed when things do not go “their” way.

When your high expectations of certain things do not come true, you must learn to deal with disappointment and anger. This is because accumulating an excess of negative emotions sooner or later will eat you up inside.

We all tend to break out in a tantrum in our daily lives, but learned to hide them at some point in life. Having them all the time will only lead you to an exhausting state. This is why you should have some simple strategies for dealing with them.

Outbursts of rage in adults

Outbursts of anger in adults are very common, but manifest themselves very differently than they do in children. To begin with, one of the reasons why many people go into psychological therapy is because their anxiety level is so high and they do not know how to cope with it. Therefore, when professionals delve deeper into the origins of such dysfunctional conditions in their patients, it is common to find that they follow the same pattern.

Some people blame everyone else for their disappointments: family, friends, partners, colleagues, etc. Everyone is against them and they all fail them and should be punished by their anger. This is exactly the kind of frustration that turns into a tantrum, even though it is often not internal. It will be a quiet battle that constantly alternates between frustration, rage and disappointment.

Outbursts of rage in adults do not just show up as rage and the kind of aggression that causes someone to break things. Many of these people isolate themselves to vent it all. Thus, it is not easy to rationalize many of the things that happen to us every day. Some people are definitely able to deal with and accept their daily frustrations and disappointments. However, others are vulnerable and should know some strategies to help them deal with it.

Daniel Goleman points out in his book Destructive Emotions that our emotional brain is the first to react when something bad happens in our environment. This means that everything goes through the emotional filter before it reaches the rational.

Other researchers such as Joseph E. LeDoux from the University of New York also observed something similar in the studies they conducted. People basically act on their emotions and consequently they lose control on more than one occasion.

So what can we do when we feel trapped ? How should we act in those moments when we only feel anger and frustration? And how do we act when something we do not like comes our way?

You have three hours to shop

Our tantrums often have negative consequences. On the one hand (and less frequently) some people react in an aggrandizing way. For example, they raise their voices and speak disrespectfully or even smash objects. On the other hand (and much more commonly), others deal with their anger and frustration in silence.

You can use a simple strategy with a distinctive starting point to avoid one thing or another: awareness. Give yourself three hours to deal with and deal with any negative, annoying or frustrating event. After that time, you will be able to solve it in an intelligent and mature way. You will also be able to deal with your emotions properly, especially with your frustration.

Outbursts of rage in adults: The three-hour rule

First of all, breathe and do not be surprised by the first feeling you have. Remember that anger is the first feeling that comes up when you are frustrated. Thus, you should welcome it, but never let it lead your actions.

The first step you must take is to reduce the effect and relieve the physical tension that comes with it. Try to curb the unfortunate thoughts that it usually brings.

If you keep your anger and rage under control, everything will be easier because you make better choices.

Focus and stay calm

Outbursts of anger are typical of children who have not yet learned to deal with their emotions. Dealing with tantrums is a normal part of their maturation process. Therefore, adults should have already passed this stage. The most important thing to do after you experience anger is to focus and think mature and in a balanced way.

Take two or three hours to find out the cause of the discomfort and frustration. Start with the following questions:

• What bothers you? Is that a logical explanation for why you feel this way?
• What should you do to feel better and prevent this situation from happening again ?

Answer the questions above calmly and patiently.

Take grip

The last and most important step is to generate an answer or adjust your behavior during these three hours. There is no point in waiting until tomorrow. Outbursts of rage in adults occur because there is something threatening about a particular situation and it frustrates them. If you consider that a course of action is appropriate after considering it carefully, you can act accordingly.

For example, you could ask for explanations from anyone who did something hurtful and demand that they respect your boundaries. This means that you should resolve conflicts reasonably, in a way that will make you feel better and make you respectful. If, after careful reflection, you realize that you acted impulsively, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness.

In conclusion , emotional maturity does not only happen as you get older, it does not update automatically at a certain age. You have to work towards this process. Thus, there is nothing better than keeping the tantrums to yourself and dealing with them silently. Follow the three-hour rule!