The Anger Stage Of Grief: How Is It Experienced?

It is very common to experience the anger stage of grief. Unfortunately, many are stuck at this stage. They collapse emotionally and fail to overcome the anger they feel over the fact that they lost someone they loved. It is not easy to cope with the messy knot of emotions where anger and inability to accept what happened changes your temper and limits you.

Shakespeare said that crying could make the pain a little less painful, but what if you are not able to reach this stage of emotional relief? Well, you may end up being like a rock sinking deeper and deeper into the well of sorrow. So, of all the grief phases defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, anger and frustration can be the most difficult to deal with.

This is the stage where you really begin to realize that you have lost the one you loved. Instead of accepting it, however, you rebel against it. You’re trying to find someone or something to blame. You begin to experience a constant feeling of injustice, bitterness and rage, and they continue to build up in your mind and body.

All these intense feelings turn into a kind of raging storm that blows the clothes on a clothesline in all directions, shakes them, deforms them and tries to tear them down from the string. You want to stay in control of your life, but you simply do not feel able to do so. This is because anger has turned into rage, and it can make you something you are not.

The anger stage of grief

The anger stage of grief is basically a powerful rejection of the idea that you have lost someone. We can not forget that grief, like anger, is an instinctive response that has helped people survive because our brains perceive it as a threat. What can affect us more than losing someone who is important to us? Thus, the pain is enormous, and your brain responds to just this.

Going through this kind of thing is perfectly normal. At the same time, some studies, such as the one conducted by Dr. George A. Bonnano at Columbia University, claim that there is no “normative” form of grief. In other words, although Dr. Kübler-Ross may have described the different phases, they all experience them in different ways and in different orders.

With that said, there are also particularly complex forms of grief, such as frozen and delayed grief. In both cases , you carry the grief around for several years without dealing with it. This almost always leads to depression. However, let’s go back to today’s theme: the anger stage of grief.

Unanswered questions and an obsession with what happened

When you lose someone, it is common for you to ask yourself many questions. One of the most common may seem more like self-pity, but it is also full of anger. That’s when you ask yourself why it happened to that particular person. “ Why did this have to happen to my dad? He was still so young! He was so kind and so happy in life. Why did he have to leave us so early? ”

If you are stuck in this phase of grief, these types of thoughts end up being fixed points of obsession in your mind. Your obsession with what happened and trying to find explanations or something to blame is a very common part of the feedback loop to anger in the grieving process.

Hypersensitivity

The anger stage of grief tends to involve extreme hypersensitivity. Suddenly, any unexpected stimulus, news, or event that emerges from nothing will deeply affect you. You then build them up (negatively) in your mind and let them destroy you and make you completely unable to function normally.

Personality and temperament change

One thing you need to understand about anger and rage is that they can really change you. They can turn you into someone you are not, someone you do not like, or someone you do not want to be.

You may start to lose motivation. You are no longer interested in things you used to be passionate about. Your patience and curiosity evaporate. You stop having contact with other people. What is perhaps worst of all is that your empathy disappears because your suffering drags you into a place where you focus only on yourself.

Apathy, physical pain and mild depression

The anger stage of grief can also lead to certain psychosomatic problems. This means that you may experience things like abdominal pain, physical and mental exhaustion, headaches, insomnia or a higher risk of developing infections. You may also begin to experience some mild symptoms of depression, which can get worse if you do not treat them.

How can one get through the anger stage of grief?

One of the most dangerous things about anger that accompanies this phase of grief is that it can lead you to potentially harmful behavior. Some turn to drinking, gambling, or anything else that can help them “forget” the pain after the loss.

To treat and get through this stage, therapy is not only a good idea, but probably the only effective way to take control of your life again and get back on track. Here are some strategies you can use:

Strategies for getting through the anger stage of grief

• First, an evaluation of your health. Before starting treatment, the patient must undergo a medical examination to ensure that they have no other conditions.
• If you are going to go into therapy, you must also be determined to follow it.

• A good technique is called cognitive adjustment. You use it to identify your limiting and irrational thoughts. It will make it easier to channel your emotions, find relief and find resources to soothe your deep emotional pain.

It is also worth mentioning that this type of therapy tends to have large variations, depending on your needs. Do not expect it to go fast. This is a long process that requires a specific commitment between the patient and the therapist.

But do not worry, the success rates are very high and there is no doubt that you will get past this stage if you are stuck in it. Books like Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process by Nancy O’Connor can also be very helpful to read for anyone struggling with grief.