Should You And Your Partner Make A Relationship Contract?

It is very romantic to talk about couples and their sweet words and romantic gestures. These are some of the most beautiful aspects of relationships. But over time, partners tend to cut down on all these romantic gestures. If this happens, a relationship contract may help.

When couples have to deal with the routines of everyday life, there are many expectations they need to adjust. Although their love is still alive, daily life is full of small difficulties they have to deal with. Failure to do so may result in problems.

Living together strengthens the romantic bond, but at the same time it can create situations that can damage it. In short, both parties have different past, different customs and different ways of acting. Adaptation is therefore not always easy.

At the same time, as days, weeks and years pass, love also changes. As a result, there are times when it seems that it is no longer alive. In addition, crises arise and with them the question of whether it is really worth moving on. Relationships are always built on an implicit contract. But is it a good idea to make an explicit relationship contract? One that protects the tape from erosion from these crises?

A relationship contract and implicit agreements in a relationship

Every couple needs appointments to be able to live peacefully together. They usually occur spontaneously and not in a specific order. When the various situations arise, the couple enters into partial agreements, and each party decides whether they should be followed or not.

Most agreements are implicit. However, they are not always affordable. Many times one of the partners gives in to the other’s demands. In particular, they do so because they do not want to start an argument or consider it a lost cause. Still, that does not mean that they feel comfortable with the situation.

Living together leads to tension. However, this tension can become critical if one of the partners refuses to fulfill his role. Not only in the small deeds as daily tasks, but also in deeper aspects. For example, loyalty, attention and consideration for the other person, as well as being emotionally available.

In many areas they are also implicitly broken. Consequently, quarrels break out as to whether the agreements existed or not, or that the agreement breaker did not understand the agreements. Couples should not just base their relationship contract on implicit agreements.

Explicit agreements

Some couples have decided to change these implicit rules and write things down in a relationship contract. The things they write down go far beyond agreeing on who goes for a walk with the dog or who cleans the bathroom on the weekends. They cover deeper topics. For example, what sanctions apply in case of infidelity or what will happen if one is emotionally abandoned.

The New York Times published the article of a couple who made a guidebook. This guide was a relationship contract that contained a set of rules to guide them. They ranged from tasks and time allocation to money. In the same way, they also wrote rules in cases of illness, and even how to talk about sensitive issues. The couple said that this guide has given fantastic results.

Will it be worthwhile for all couples to sign a contract that reflects their own code of conduct? Or is it a way to reduce spontaneity instead of a realistic way of dealing with the fact that love also involves decisions and will?

The discredited middle ground

For some people, these types of relationship rules may be completely viable alternatives. But for other people it is possible that such an agreement would be difficult to accept. But there is no denying that it could work.

Living with another person is definitely much easier when the rules of the game are clear to all parties. This avoids particularly unnecessary conflicts and enables a more civilized way of dealing with responsibilities and duties. In that sense, a relationship contract that a couple agrees on can help the relationship flourish and make it easier to live together.

Despite this, there is more that plays a role in relationships than just agreements. Many subconscious feelings, emotions and expectations also come into the picture. Above all, the love between a couple can never be reduced to just simple rules.