Passive-aggressive Friends And How To Deal With Them

Passive-aggressive friends are bad company. Still, it can be hard to leave them, say goodbye, tell them that they are doing everything difficult, that their friendship is painful and that they have hurt you. Although it is difficult to stand up to such conditions, it is very important to do so.

So, what is the best way to handle these situations? Should you have a serious conversation with your friend and demand that they change? Just let it go on and hope it gets better? The truth is that there is no universal answer. There are subtypes of passive-aggressive personalities where some are more harmful than others.

Dealing with a passive-aggressive person means accepting behaviors that are full of insecurity, ambivalence, resentment and covert aggression. Sometimes it’s very subtle, but when you spend time with someone like this, these subtleties become apparent and they are as sharp as knives.

Either way, it’s right to react to it. When you have a passive-aggressive friend, you will deal with conflict all the time. It is a gradual demoralizing process, especially since friendship should be the opposite. Let’s take a deeper look at this idea.

Passive-aggressive friends

Psychology identified the passive-aggressive personality more than 100 years ago. The Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich was the first to talk about it right after World War II. According to Reich, it was the most common type of personality in the entire population.

Similarly, passive aggression appeared shortly after in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a personality disorder. In the latest versions of the handbook, it is no longer considered a “disorder”. Instead, it is classified as a kind of personality that can sometimes manifest itself with other conditions such as OCD or addictive personality disorder.

On the other hand, the people around you are likely to engage in passive-aggressive behavior, as you probably know. Parents, boyfriends, colleagues, friends, etc. However, it is interesting that it is easier to identify this behavior in others than themselves. It is important to remember that we are all capable of displaying this type of behavior. No one is immune.

Passive-aggressive friends and their behavior

Talking about friends who are passive-aggressive is a pretty complicated topic. Why? Because what often keeps these friendships intact is time and an emotional bond. Maybe you have been with this person a lot, so you have become accustomed to being patient and forgiving. You have given them a lot of chances.

Still, you know that something is wrong, but you are not sure what to call it. Read on to learn more about this personality type so you can identify it in your own life. We use Theodore Millon’s work to explain passive aggression.

Passive-aggressive friends are cunning

What do we mean by cunning? This term refers to a kind of clearly distorted behavior. Here are some examples:

• They tend to procrastinate. It takes a long time for them to respond and they arrive too late for appointments. They react slowly when someone expects something from them.
• They always “forget” things. You can not really trust them and they always have a million excuses and reasons for things.
• They get angry quickly. When they are angry, they punish those around them in silence.

They are exhausting

Passive-aggressive people engage in gross behaviors that are hurtful and leave an emotional imprint. In other words, they tend to treat you hurtfully. Sometimes they adopt a morally superior attitude to judge and criticize you. A moment later, they are submissive and dependent.

Instability as a lifestyle

The best way to describe this is “with you, but without you”. They want to control you and micromanage all aspects of your life, but at the same time they can not stand to hear what you think about what they do or do not do. Passive-aggressive people at first seem to be people with a lot of energy and positivity, but a short time later they are angry and suffering.

Eternal dissatisfaction

Passive-aggressive people see the negative side of any situation. They look for the flaw in any pleasant gesture, the small speck of dust on the polished surface. It’s hard to share your happiness with them because they are experts at cracking down on people.

People with this personality type are also good at playing the victim. Their view of reality is distorted and they make everything about them.

What can I do if I have passive-aggressive friends?

Passive-aggressive friends can completely distort the concept of friendship. You should not get used to this type of behavior or just let it happen. Instead, you should respond with these specific strategies:

• Do not fall into their trap. If they get angry and stop talking to you, just let them do it. If they ask you to do something you do not want to do, then do not do it. When your “friend” gets mad at you for every little thing, you ignore them. The last thing you want to do is reinforce this bad behavior and let it affect you in some way.
• Always remember this. What passive-aggressive people fear above all is to be ignored and lose your friendship. Consequently, do not listen to the threats or their blackmail.

• Be determined and calm. You need to be clear with your passive-aggressive friends that you are not going to tolerate this kind of behavior. Talk about your feelings in a calm and friendly way. Finding balance is the best option.
• If they do not change, then let them go. Make sure they understand that you do not tolerate their harmful behavior. If they continue and they do not show signs of changing or improving, then keeping distance is the best option.

If you have a friend who has this type of behavior, then they probably need professional help. Given that you have no control over whether it happens or not, protecting your psychological well-being is the best thing you can do. Remember that this type of behavior is harmful and that you do not have to put up with it.