Moral Disconnection And How To Forgive Yourself

How you can forgive yourself can be a complicated process. It is a very relevant concept on both an individual and social level, especially in high-conflict zones or during a war. If you do not forgive yourself, you create an almost impenetrable barrier to living a full emotional life and fulfilling your potential. However, this is easier said than done due to a mechanism known as “moral decoupling”.

Moral disconnection is a kind of veil over your consciousness. It makes something you once considered immoral suddenly seem acceptable. It is a kind of self-deception that can open the doors to cruelty, to a greater or lesser degree. It also makes it impossible to forgive yourself.

How to forgive yourself: Moral disconnection

You are not born with a sense of morality or a set of ethical principles. You develop them over time, and they vary depending on the society you live in. As you grow, you acquire principles and standards of behavior that allow you to respond to situations governed by the values ​​you have learned from experience. These principles function as a way of preserving collective and individual well-being.

However, these types of value systems and ethical principles are not permanent. Under certain circumstances, they may be suspended. In times of war, for example, it is permissible to take the lives of others, even if under normal circumstances it is considered wrong, sinful and illegal.

This breach of the prevailing value system leads to moral decoupling. By using the example of war again, killing or deceiving someone ceases to be morally wrong. Under these special circumstances, previously held moral and ethical standards do not apply.

The mechanisms of moral decoupling

Studies show that moral decoupling is triggered in four ways. They are all related to a change in perspective, and they justify behaviors that would not otherwise be tolerated. The four mechanisms of moral decoupling are the following:

• Diffusion of responsibility. This happens when someone’s morally reprehensible act is supported by a group of people. That others also do so dilutes the individual responsibility.
• Transfer of responsibility. This happens when someone places the responsibility for their actions on another person. They just obey orders, avoid punishment, trust what someone else tells them, and so on.

• Minimize the consequences. When you try to downplay how much damage you have caused as a way to justify your actions.
• Humiliate the victim. This concept is very familiar to all of us, especially on a larger scale. It is when a person or group justifies the harm they cause someone by claiming that they deserve it.

How to forgive yourself

Why is moral disconnection related to how you can forgive yourself? First, it is impossible to forgive something that has not been recognized as a mistake or an immoral act. If you want to forgive yourself, you must first stop justifying or minimizing what you have done. Otherwise it will be impossible for you to do so.

This is important because the offender must sooner or later return to the value system and ethical principles that they temporarily set aside. This is what happens, for example, when soldiers return home from a war. When they meet their moral disconnection, a kind of emptiness opens up.

There are different ways to deal with this emptiness. To deny facts or hide participation in the events or take a cynical perspective on what happened. In addition, you may also feel an overwhelming sense of remorse, which leads to self-blame and self-punishment.

How to forgive yourself: Forgiveness allows you to move on

After conflicts, moral decoupling can make it impossible to function normally. Here it is best for your mental health to create relationships that facilitate self-forgiveness and allow you to make up.

If you do not do that, you will either become a deceiver or be completely paralyzed by guilt. But none of them solve the problem. Both remedies make the situation worse and have a very high emotional cost.

Self-forgiveness begins when you take responsibility for your actions without making excuses. Once you have done so, it is time to repair the damage in some way, even if it is only symbolic. Asking for forgiveness is another important part of healing. This process is the only way to make peace with the past and move on.