It’s Not Selfish To Think Of Yourself

Many times when you stop to think about yourself, people see you as selfish. But what does it really mean to be selfish ? Maybe we use this adjective wrong and, most of all, unfair. We will reflect on this word, its implications, and how we can take time for ourselves without feeling guilty.

Being selfish means thinking about yourself 100% of the time, but without paying attention to others

First of all, to understand what it means to be a selfish person, let’s go to the dictionary. Selfishness  is when a person has an excessively high view of themselves, and this makes them disproportionately aware of their own interests over others.

We all have our own values ​​and beliefs that are somewhat fixed and allow us to interpret the world and give it meaning. This is where our ideas start. Therefore, it is not uncommon for each person to use the word “selfishness” based on their experiences and how they understand the world. In other words, each person has a different concept of what being selfish means.

For some, being selfish may mean that they have never done anything for others. Maybe you are thinking of someone who refused to do a favor for you because they “did not have time”, as you had always been there for them. In the first case, the definition may be correct. But, in our more specific second case, is that also true?

How do we feel when a person calls us selfish based on just one interaction, without taking into account everything we have done for them? We feel confused and angry. We know it’s unfair. Before we move on to this article, let’s make this clear: If we did not do something for someone when they asked us, it does not necessarily mean we are selfish.

We cannot change the way others interpret the world

Here is a very common situation: a person asks us to do something for him, and we can not give him what he needs when he asks. Then that person calls us selfish, or at least he hints that we are.

So we feel terrible, not only because they have just judged us negatively, but also because we are at a crossroads of interests where our interests have proven to be the least important. Who acts selfishly then? Who is thinking only of themselves and not the rights we all have as human beings?

Here’s a truth: We do not have enough resources to try to change a person’s mentality, and especially not to make it successful. That is, if someone interprets our actions as selfish without trying to understand our circumstances, we must ask ourselves two questions:

• Do we empathize with their problem?
• Despite the fact that we could not do what they asked, did we offer an alternative?

If both answers are yes, always remember this basic right: we can always reject a request without feeling guilty about it. In addition, it is good to remember that we make a big mistake when we judge others based on a behavior and not their personality. For example, some may act petty without being naughty, or some may slip without being clumsy.

An example of how you can think for yourself and not be selfish

To better understand, let’s give an example: imagine you get up at the same time every day for several weeks. You do everything you need to do. At the end of the day, you have completed all your work commitments.

Now, imagine that one day you sleep for an extra fifteen minutes. Imagine for a second you were transposed into the karmic driven world of Earl.

Are you an irresponsible person? Do you lack self-discipline? No, you just had a bad day and may have acted in an undisciplined or irresponsible way – one day.

The fact that you acted that way does not make you a person with these qualities. In fact, even though you have acted in this way often in the past, you may not be that type of person anymore. The past is not always a good precondition for the present or the future.

We must distinguish between acting and being. It is not the same to be an unjust person and to act unfairly. Let us analyze the behaviors and not the people.

Take advantage of the tailwind, but do not let the wind control you

Do you feel that you do not have time for yourself? Do things come up sometimes that take all your attention and distract you from your goals? Do you do what others want everything often? Do you feel like you are a weather vane controlled by the wind? You need to learn to set aside some space for yourself. Thinking of yourself.

To do this, we must learn two skills that go hand in hand and are fundamental to our health and happiness: we must learn to say no and learn to do so without feeling guilty.

It is true that this is a complex, nuanced topic. That’s why we can not provide “one size fits all” rules for how to do it. We just have to explain the importance of working with it. If you are one of those people who has always been there for others and forgotten yourself, you should know these things:

• Change is a process.  Changing your  habits takes time, patience and effort. Usually our habits are related to each other, and changing one of them involves changing elements throughout the chain. For example, having a more polite attitude will mean changes in both how we speak and when we keep quiet.
• People around us may not understand the change. If people around you have become accustomed to you always saying yes, you may be met with surprise the first time you reject a request. Maybe they will even accuse you or say that you have become selfish. At this point, you should not lose sight of what you are trying to achieve with this. There will always be resistance in the face of change, especially if this change affects the comfort of others.
• Always analyze the situation objectively. If the request is not urgent or does not necessarily require your presence, or if you have empathy for the problem and have provided an option that is more compatible with your goals but still helps the other person, you have no reason to feel guilty.

In short, you can think for yourself and not be selfish if you know how to maintain a balance. If you really work on this part of yourself, instead of just focusing on how people talk about selfishness, you will find a balance between giving time and energy both to others and to yourself.