How A Separation Or Divorce Affects A Child
A separation or divorce can affect all family members depending on the circumstances. In many cases, it mainly affects children.
Manipulation and disrespect are the most important temptations that no couple should ever resort to. In fact, it is fundamental for both parties to pay attention to the language they use to communicate with each other and make children’s well-being a top priority.
Feeling compelled to choose sides is also very detrimental to children’s mental health. Even if you are separated or separated, you do not have to demonize each other. Instead, try to make the transition comfortable and trauma-free.
Changes after a separation or divorce
When one of the parents moves out, the family falls apart in one way or another. These changes are very noticeable and inevitable for children. It is difficult to explain to them the reasons why the parents are no longer together. Therefore, you should focus on guaranteeing children’s physical, emotional and mental well-being instead of explanations.
To do that, you need to emphasize that you will always be there for them, even if you are not together. Also try to suggest that there may be an opportunity to add new members to the family if you eventually decide to start a new romantic relationship in the future.
Insecurity
From a child’s point of view, a separation or divorce can mean going from financial stability to a state of total insecurity. It can also mean moving from a balanced and secure lifestyle to being surrounded by financial threats that can affect them emotionally.
Build a nest
Shared parental responsibility is one of the solutions that guarantees the physical attention the children need from both parents. However, there is also a risk that children will feel that they do not belong in either of the two homes. This can happen if they constantly have to move from one place to another.
For many children, changes in routines, conditions and surroundings are difficult, which can lead to them developing emotional detachment.
Therefore, the healthiest option is for the parents to move in and out, instead of the children having to go back and forth between homes.
Fear, anxiety and stress
One of the most common reactions to the changes we have mentioned so far is fear. Your children may be afraid of what will happen in the near future. Will my parents still love me? What do I have to do now? Can I see my friends again?
These are some of the questions that may arise in your children. If you do not help them overcome their fears, it can affect them emotionally.
This is why it is important to assure them that both parents will always be there for them. Even if you do, it is normal for them to feel anxious to some degree, especially immediately after the breakup.
On the other hand, the oldest child can be a great support and an important role model for the youngest during a separation or divorce. This is because the oldest child can explain to others what is happening. Siblings can help relieve anxiety if they feel that their parents are more focused on their own problems than on them.
Changes in behavior in the event of a separation or divorce
During a separation or divorce, children may begin to behave differently to try to get their parents’ attention, or to bring them closer together. They believe that if both parents agree on something, such as punishment, they will start working on their problems.
This is closely related to one of the most powerful negative emotions that all people experience: Guilt. If a child feels guilty about the breakup, they may start behaving in a certain way to make up for it. They may even try to engage in self-harming behavior.
All behavioral changes are defense mechanisms that children use to protect themselves from the pain they feel during a separation or divorce.
