Gaslighting: The Most Subtle And Corrosive Form Of Abuse
Has anyone ever made you think you were crazy? That what you say never happened? When someone makes you doubt your judgment or makes you question what you think has happened, you may feel very confused or even depressed. This is a very effective manipulation strategy that people use to exploit others and make them suffer. We are talking about gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.
The term “gaslighting” is not accidental. It comes from a movie called ” Gas Light ,” in which the main character makes his wife think she’s going crazy and should see a psychologist. His manipulation has a purpose: to steal her fortune. Gaslighting is real torture for anyone who falls victim to this cruel bluff.
Gaslighting, a weapon for manipulators
Although we may not be very familiar with the term, gaslighting is used more often than we think. It is a weapon for manipulators. With that, they can make their victim go crazy and do what they want. Do you need any examples? These may sound familiar.
Imagine that someone tells your partner that they felt hurt during a particular conversation. The other person says that she does not remember it, that he invents it, and that she would never have said it. Although she could question this statement, the manipulator planted only one very important thing: a seed of doubt.
After this, a number of circumstances occur that will remind the victim of the moment when her partner told her that things were not as she thought. In another similar situation, the manipulator will say that she is exaggerating, she is lying, that her extreme sensitivity is causing problems, etc. The seed will germinate and start growing. Little by little, the other person will begin to believe that she is actually blowing things out of proportion.
In extreme cases, the person performing this type of abuse will hide objects and constantly make the other person believe that she is wrong and that her memory cannot be trusted. The motive behind this may be to control the other person, to feel powerful, to cause harm or to fulfill a specific purpose, as in the movie “Gas Light”. This is clearly an example of a toxic relationship. In such a relationship, the victim becomes extremely insecure, constantly doubts what she thinks is true, and becomes completely dependent on the opinion of others.
Trust your intuition
Is it difficult to leave this type of situation? Of course. Just as it is difficult to get out of any situation with a person who is willing to manipulate us. But it is not impossible. It is important to keep in mind certain important strategies if someone is trying to gaslight us. These help us to open our eyes and escape from a situation like the one we described.
The first of these strategies is to rely on our intuition. When we feel that something strange is happening, that something is not quite right, we should not believe everything the other person says. Our instinct speaks to us and we need to listen. Our intuition is usually at least as “reasonable” as the other person.
The second main strategy is not to seek approval from the other person. We often do this because of low self-esteem or because we need acceptance. But if our instinct already tells us that something is wrong, we should not believe anyone who tells us that a particular conversation never happened.
The third strategy is to maintain our borders. If the other person yells at us, if he uses hurtful words or we notice that he is trying to use us to his own advantage, we must say something and not just let it pass. We can not allow anyone to cross our borders, otherwise we reinforce the idea that he can do it with impunity. Our borders should be impossible to cross. Once we have given in, there is no going back, and a psychological manipulator will take advantage of the opportunity.
We may doubt ourselves, but in that case the best option is to independently look for evidence. Gaslighting is a strategy that fuels the belief that we experience a different reality than what an objective observer would describe. Thus, our thoughts become obsessed, which reinforces this idea.
It is important to distance ourselves from people who make us feel so bad. From a distance, we can analyze the situation from a new perspective, far from the manipulation. Agreeing with the other person when they make us doubt ourselves gives them the opportunity to destroy us.
