FOBU – Fear Of Breaking Up

Sometimes a relationship will give you more pain than well-being, or the love will simply not be there anymore. Then looking up will be the most logical thing you can do. Of course, this is not always easy. Just the thought of looking up makes some people feel genuine fear. These people suffer from what is known as FOBU, or the Fear Of Breaking Up.

FOBU is an acronym for Fear Of Breaking Up (the fear of ending a romantic relationship). This pattern of behavior is found in people of all ages and with different social statuses. But it is true that some generations are more exposed to this phenomenon, such as the Millennium Generation or Generation Y.

Apps like Tinder, WhatsApp or Instagram are examples of some of the new platforms that are being used to flirt with these days. In fact, there are thousands of couples who have never seen each other face to face.

This lack of physical communication is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the bang can become softer. On the other hand, it makes younger people more vulnerable. They take longer than their parents and grandparents to confront certain vital traumas. They are necessary for adequate mental and emotional development. This is why people in this age group are more vulnerable to suffering from FOBU.

What is the cause of FOBU?

FOBU comes mainly from low self-esteem, the fear of being alone and simply starting over. When we are in a toxic relationship and feel trapped, any attempt to achieve independence will mean great effort, even if we suffer. If we have been in a relationship for a long time, breaking up and all that entails will be a drastic change.

The routines that some of us are used to keep us in a bittersweet comfort zone. The thought of breaking up when we have a close relationship with our partner’s family and friends is heartbreaking. Part of the fear we feel is what they want to think about us, or the expression on their faces when they see us on the street. We also fear the idea that we lose all contact with people we have become so attached to.

When a relationship ends, the person who made the decision will usually feel responsible and guilty for all the pain the breakup causes. Since we do not want to hurt anyone, we feel like executioners. Instead, we choose to punish ourselves for weeks. We know that we too will suffer if it ends, and that only makes us even safer. Our lives become a spiral of doubt and burden because we do not know how to face the problem.

Another of the main reasons for FOBU is that some people simply do not know how to be alone. Some of us need the recognition and presence of another person in our lives. This even makes it impossible for us to just consider looking up. We prefer to be unhappy and live in a miserable existence rather than confront what we already know. The fact that we no longer want to be with that person.

How can you get rid of your FOBU?

The only way you can get rid of your FOBU is to confront the situation. Being brave is very difficult. Still, sometimes it’s the only way to achieve happiness for yourself. There is no point in being in a state where your suffering is greater than your well-being.

If the relationship has been healthy and genuine, but the flame of love is extinguished, it would be logical to be honest with the other person. Remember that you may not be in love anymore, but once you were. Therefore, the other person deserves the greatest possible respect. In addition to being very selfish, it would be cowardly to deceive the other person into believing that there was still love between you.

If you have been in a toxic and addictive relationship, a breakup will be a priority for your mental health. You deserve to be respected, valued and loved by people who feel the same way you feel for them. Forcing yourself into suffering and pain will only undermine your self-esteem and lead you into a dead end.

Remember that doubt and remorse will somehow surround you. Your life will change and you will miss many things. Especially the company, even if you should have been in a toxic relationship. There will even be days where you feel lonely and get the idea of ​​being with your ex again. However, it will not be your heart that speaks, but the lack of your routines.

Talk to a specialist about looking up

You should consult a specialist if the fear of being alone or breaking up with your partner begins to affect you in an abnormal way. You may have developed a disease caused by a traumatic event. Previous violations for example. Or you may need to work on your self-esteem.

In these cases, it is essential to respect oneself and be aware of one’s own worth. You need to love yourself enough to know how to put an end to something that no longer satisfies you. What others think should be irrelevant.

Decide and act

Do not wait any longer if you are aware that you are a victim of FOBU. This feeling will catch you more and more and will prevent you from making a decision.

Now that you’ve finally decided to look it up, be aware that the other person may not respond as well. Either because you have broken their heart or because they want to have you under their control at all costs. It is most important that you protect yourself, especially in the latter scenario.

After communicating your decision , you need to stay away from the other person for a while. This is very necessary, although it may seem like an insensitive decision. You must be mature and accept the consequences of your actions. But also keep in mind that this is not the end of the world. This decision may be the best thing that could have happened to you.