Emotions: Learn To Take Control
Have you ever stopped to think about how you react when you are sad and have negative feelings? Or if your behavior makes you feel better? The truth is that, that from time to time we do not know how to control our negative emotions. And, if we know it, there are probably many ways we can do better.
Let me give you an example: after a painful breakup, we all know someone who goes out on the town, parties and drinks to get over it. They may be able to distract themselves in the beginning. But, in the long run, have they really sorted anything out? Do they really get better from it?
Different categories of ways to deal with negative emotions
Dealing with emotions involves a wide range of processes. We gain, to a greater or lesser degree, control over our emotions through these processes. They help us control how we feel and express emotions. In other words, we talk about how we regulate our emotions. This can be adapted (and thus helpful and functional) or non-adapted (dysfunctional). But how do we know which ones are helping us and which ones are not?
Before we answer that, let’s look at the different ways we regulate our emotions. On the one hand, we can try to control our negative emotions using active strategies. Examples of such strategies are, for example, looking at the matter from a more positive point of view, planning how to behave, trying to solve the problem at the root, continuing their personal development and expressing ourselves about how we feel.
On the other hand, we can use more passive strategies as well. We can accept that the situation is as it is, get depressed, or stop trying to find a solution at all.
Last but not least, one can also use strategies based on avoidance. This is when we try to deny what has happened, distance ourselves from it, or switch our heads to other thoughts. It is also possible to use temporary soothing strategies that help with the emotions, but not the reason (such as comfort eating and drinking).
What does not work to control negative emotions?
Dysfunctional strategies for controlling our emotions make us more emotionally unstable. They may also pay too much attention to our negative emotions and make them harder to get rid of. The outcome of poor regulation of our emotions varies greatly, but none of them are particularly positive. For example: problems coping with anger, anxiety and depression.
As mentioned earlier, strategies that are either passive or based on avoidance are two bad categories in emotion management. If we are sorry, it is against its purpose to try to deny what has happened.
However, there is one exception, and that is when we get news that can create major emotional changes. In such cases, denial can be a useful tool in the beginning, as it acts as an obstacle to what our emotions tell us. In any case, even in these situations it is important to understand that one eventually has to use a different, more active strategy.
Pondering a problem is not very helpful. It is not good to focus on how terrible the situation you are in is and feel sorry for yourself. Being self-aware is important because it gives us the information we may need to act. Still, it can be dangerous to allow yourself to feel so sorry for yourself that you become paralyzed.
The same thing happens if we try to forget by drinking too much, using drugs or overeating. All of these strategies can make us feel better for a while. Still, they are like plaster to rain, they soon fall off. And when they do, we need bigger patches next time.
The truth is that none of these strategies effectively help us to overcome our negative emotions. In the long run, they will make us feel worse and the feelings will last longer.
What works to control negative emotions?
If the list above describes what does not work to control their negative emotions, what strategies actually help? They are the ones who involve active confrontation of what has happened to us. One should try to see the situation from a new, positive point of view. This is one of the most important strategies. Looking for a solution, and actually making it happen, is another important strategy. At the same time, one must give oneself time to stop and think, without becoming inactive.
In addition to this, it is helpful to get in touch with our positive emotions to regain balance. It is also important to express our feelings and seek social support. That is, if we know that we are able to make good decisions ourselves.
The reality is that using these strategies can be partially strenuous and require effort from us. After all, there is still action. However, it is important to make sure that our negative emotions do not become chronic. Learn to take control of your own emotions.
