Does Unconditional Love Really Exist?

Some people say that unconditional love is the purest and noblest feeling in the world. It means to love without expecting anything in return, to love someone with every fiber in your body. It means loving someone for who they are, no matter what they do or say, whether they are with you or not.

Herman Hesse said that whoever knows how to love well will always win in life. What does it really mean to “love well”? Is unconditional love a perfect example of loving well? There is not really a clear answer to this specific question, but there are some ideas that are important to reflect on.

First and foremost, many will agree that a relationship based on unconditional passion can be risky. Two people who love each other without boundaries and precautions often end up crossing important boundaries. If you are in an unconditional relationship, your identity and self-esteem are in danger.

Many argue that the love many parents feel for their children is the best example of deep, authentic unconditional love. That’s a great idea, but what if your child is a narcissist who demands more from you than just love? What if they do not respect you and behave like a tyrant?

Psychologists specializing in emotions think that it is important to distinguish between love as an emotion and love as the basis of a relationship. It’s one thing to love, but quite another to live with the person you love. Let’s dive a little deeper into these ideas.

Unconditional love and conditional relationships

Is it possible to have unconditional love? The answer is yes, but you have to understand the nuances.

Neuroscience actually has some fascinating insights that may surprise it. Believe it or not, scientists claim that your brain is created to love unconditionally.

The brain and unconditional love

Dr. Mario Beauregard and Dr. Jerome Courtemanche from the Université de Montréal in Canada conducted a very interesting study on unconditional love. They found that unconditional love shares the same neural mechanisms as addictive processes. It is a reward system controlled by dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin.

Unconditional love is equal to romantic love. It is a mixture of absolute passion, affection, attachment and intense love. In a way, the brain is designed to experience this kind of intense love. However, the rational part of your brain forces you to set boundaries.

Love is one thing, relationships are another

Let us not forget that unconditional love is simply an emotion. Relationships in themselves fall into another category.

As you may know, love is not the only thing that matters in a romantic relationship. If you do not have good communication with your partner, it does not matter how much you love each other. If you do not feel empathy or respect for each other, love will not be enough to continue the relationship.

This leads to conflicting and often painful situations. You may love someone very much, but you must understand that you will never be able to build a relationship with them.

I love you unconditionally, but I know I have to let go of you

You have seen that it is possible to love someone unconditionally, without limits. Sometimes this kind of love can be painful. Sometimes you know that you are blindly in love with the wrong person, so you let them go for your own good, no matter how difficult it may be.

However, letting them go does not mean that it is easy to move on. You know you feel better mentally and emotionally, but you still feel this unconditional love. Unfortunately, these feelings can persist even after the relationship is over.

To love well means to have boundaries and conditions

Borders are even healthier and more important than you might think. They can be difficult to adhere to at times, but they have an overall positive impact on your relationship and make you happier.

Unconditional love is real, we know that. However, we must carefully shape it according to our relationship. You must remember that boundaries and conditions are necessary in a relationship. This also applies when raising children.

You can love your children deeply, passionately, infinitely… they deserve it! However, this does not mean that children can behave as they want and achieve what they want through tantrums and howling. In relationships, not everything goes, everything is not valid.

To get along with people, you need to respect the boundaries they set. Love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive. If you respect the boundaries, love will still be there, ready to offer shelter and comfort.