Do You Find It Difficult To Relate To Others?

“I find it difficult to relate to people. Is there something wrong with me? ” This is a recurring question for those who have difficulty socializing, making friends, finding a partner or acting confidently in a given social context. You may not be aware of it, but it is a fairly common problem.

Agatha Christie said she had a deep fear of making public appearances and conducting interviews. Jorge Luis Borges was also shy to the point where he sent his friend Oliverio Girondo to act on his behalf in any public function.

None of them were good at socializing, nor did they want to. They preferred to be in their personal creative space. Many people with social limitations like it that way, even though they long for greater skills to move around in their social circles.

While personalities such as those mentioned above, and Albert Einstein and the authors Cormac McCarthy and Harper Lee showed obvious traits of shyness, not all of them appear to be socially uncomfortable.

Keep reading to understand a little more about what lies behind this behavior.

Reasons why it is difficult to relate to others

When a person wonders why it is difficult for them to relate to people, they really think about how it can be solved. They know that modern society excessively rewards extroversion, character openness and social figures. This is because they seem to be equipped (at least it seems so) with a superior ability to make contacts and stand out.

Adopting this idea, however, is partly wrong. In fact, both introverts and extroverts can be popular. In addition, some extroverted people have trouble building relationships. This is relevant because difficulties with socializing do not always depend on embarrassment or introversion. Admittedly, it is a factor, but not the only one.

Internalized relationship rules in childhood

Your childhood is a crucial factor that explains your abilities or difficulties in relating to others. Most people have subconsciously internalized the relationship rules that were given to them by the primary caregivers. Keep in mind, however, that if these did not work for them at the time, they will not work for you either.

The same applies to the way you communicate if your parents were not skilled communicators and did not have much interaction with you.

• Emotionally absent caregivers will always have an impact on the child’s verbal, emotional and behavioral skills.
• Thus, there are many extroverted children with severe social limitations, as they lack relationship skills as a direct effect of this upbringing.
• Similarly, other reasons for limitations in relationships are dysfunctional, authoritarian family environments. Especially if they grow up in an environment where there is little social exposure.

Psychological and neurological dimensions

However, not everything comes from childhood. Sometimes the reason why it is difficult to relate to people is triggered by psychological, even neurological factors.

Here are some examples:

• Autism Spectrum Disorder. Asperger’s syndrome, which in many cases can go unnoticed, falls within this spectrum. In fact, it explains why many adults have trouble socializing.

• In addition, anxiety and stress are factors that limit and hinder social skills.
• Finally, note that mental conditions such as antisocial personality disorder, social phobia or agoraphobia may also be behind this problem. However, these are cases where a person deliberately avoids social contact.

Sensitivity to sensory perception

We mentioned that personalities like Agatha Christie or Jorge Borges avoided social contact. The obvious embarrassment made them prefer a safe environment and avoid exposing themselves to situations that made them feel stressed and uncomfortable. You can not ask anyone why it is difficult for them to relate to people without taking into account one of the most obvious factors: the shy personality.

More than focusing on this pattern of behavior, it would be more interesting to understand what is behind it. Shy people perceive the outside world differently because of what is known as sensory perception sensitivity.

What does it consist of?

The brains of shy people are different. On average, they need more time to respond to stimuli.

• They are more introverted and reflective, and this prevents them from being able to adapt to the social environments where a given situation requires a quick response from them.
• Crowds, noise, new stimuli or exposure to situations where they have no control lead to stress and discomfort.
• All these factors are reasons that shyness also has a neurological foundation. However, it does not prevent learning adequate strategies to improve social skills.

What to do if you find it difficult to relate to people

Everyone can improve their social skills. Everyone can learn to relate to each other to enjoy the interaction in any environment.

Here are some starting points:

• Find situations where you feel comfortable. Maybe you can use the internet to search for people with similar hobbies. This is a great way to find like-minded people you can feel safe with. It can help you open up to other social scenarios later.
• Reduce demands on yourself. Avoid focusing so much on yourself, on the fear of failure, on not knowing what to say, on not liking it. Move your gaze from the inside to the outside to let go and enjoy spontaneous conversations. Do not believe everything your mind tells you.
• Trust reliable people. Share your fears with those who truly know you and who can guide you.
• Learn techniques for dealing with stress and social anxiety.

• Strengthen your social skills and improve communication, self-confidence, the emotional, etc.

To conclude, there is only one thing that is worth emphasizing here. Seek professional help if difficulties with others are chronic, something you have been doing for many years and which hinders your quality of life. Certain therapies can make a big difference in your life. It may be the breakthrough you need the most.