Children With Emotionally Immature Parents

Children with emotionally immature parents suffer from deep scars. Many children end up taking on the responsibilities of adults, and they grow up too fast. The combination of parental incompetence and negligence in the fragile bond erases the lines between childhood and adulthood and destroys their self-esteem.

We know that no one can choose their parents. As adults, we have the right to decide what kind of relationship we want to have with our parents, but a child can not do that. Being born is like falling from the sky. Some of us are welcomed by wonderful and competent parents who nurture us in a safe, mature and dignified way.

On the other hand, some of us have bad luck and end up in the arms of immature parents. They will determine the basis of our personalities, whether we like it or not. Experts in child psychology and family dynamics know that two crucial and remarkable things can happen in these cases.

. Another possibility is that their children take on the adult role that the parents refuse to fulfill. It is so that some of these little ones end up taking care of their younger siblings, doing housework or making decisions that do not match their age.

This last fact, strange as it may seem, will not make the child brave, more mature or more responsible in a way that can be considered healthy. The end result is more children in the world who have lost their childhood. Let’s dive deeper into this topic…

Emotionally immature parents mean a shortened childhood

One thing we all agree on is that having children does not make us parents. Healthy and meaningful fatherhood and motherhood are created by being present and cultivating a strong, enriching and true love. The child should be a part of life, not a broken heart filled with fear, scarcity and low self-esteem.

Aside from basic food and clothing, emotional accessibility is something that all children need. They need to feel connected to mature people in order to understand the world and understand themselves. If this fails, everything collapses. Emotionally immature parents fail to validate the child’s feelings. A mother who is only concerned with herself will neglect the children’s emotional needs.

On the other hand, it is worth noting that these types of dynamics are more complex than they may seem at first. It is helpful to distinguish between the four types of emotionally immature mothers and fathers.

Parental immaturity

• The first type refers to mothers and fathers with irregular and varied behavior. They are emotionally unstable parents. They make promises that they do not keep. They can be very present for their children one day and make them seem like an annoyance the next.
• Impulsive parents are those who act without thinking. They make plans without thinking about the consequences, they jump from one thoughtless mistake to another without weighing their actions.
• Passive parenting is one of the clearest examples of immaturity. These parents are not involved, they are physically present, but emotionally and mentally absent, and they adopt a “laissez-faire” style of parenting.

• Finally, it is contemptuous parents who make their children feel as if they are an annoyance or that they are not wanted. They see parenting as beyond their comprehension and something they do not want to be involved in.

These four types form a childhood that is too short, hurt and invalidated.

Children who play adults: wounds that need healing

We mentioned at the beginning that giving an 8, 10 or even 15 year old child the exclusive responsibility to take care of themselves or a younger sibling, or to make decisions that their parents should make, gives a scar and can potentially be the root of many problems.

The psychological consequences that are prevalent in these cases are as varied as they are complex. Emotional loneliness, inability to maintain stable relationships, guilt, emotional limitation, repression of anger, irrational thoughts, anxiety, and being overly self-demanding are all possible outcomes.

Overcoming wounds caused by a lost childhood and immature parents is not an easy task, but neither is it impossible. Cognitive behavioral therapy is quite helpful, and it is also accepting the wound caused by abandonment and neglect. Later comes the necessary reconciliation with ourselves. Here we allow ourselves to be angry and frustrated over our stolen childhood. Angry that we were forced to grow up too fast, or that we were left alone too soon.

We may have lost our childhood, but a beautiful and free life lies ahead of us. A life that will allow us what we have always wanted and what we undoubtedly deserve. We want to make sure that our parents’ immaturity does not prevent us from having the happy present and future that we never had in the past.