Appearance Does Not Deceive, High Expectations Deceive
High expectations sometimes end in disappointment. This is what happens to some people when we put all our hopes in them, and in the end they fall down like a house of cards. All this to show us that sometimes it is not appearance that deceives, but our own high expectations.
Maybe you think that having high expectations in life is necessary and motivating. Trusting yourself can be risky, but you feel you deserve the best. You are right; It is known that when faced with a particular task, high expectations have generated greater brain activity and even expand our range of responses.
Now, the real problem is not expectations as motivation, but rather what we attribute to them and how good we are at covering the risk they entail. In fact, whether we believe it or not, many of us have expectations that are much higher than reality itself. This is a very common thing to do. Surely you know someone who is forever disappointed because people do not meet their unattainably high expectations?
Living a life of lonely perfectionism, idealized relationships, and unrealistic loyal friendships only leads to disappointment. You fall into the eternal trap of “I deserve the best” without knowing that the best is not necessarily perfect or ideal. To achieve true happiness, you must work for it.
The trap of high expectations
Some say that the concept we have of ourselves is woven together by the people who have been a part of our lives. Our parents, teachers, friends and co-workers form the substance of our self-image. If we add this to the expectations we also have of others, we see the spider web we actually weave.
Let us think for a moment about this strange irony: many of us are not quite what others expect us to be, but when others do not act the way we want, we despair. This is without a doubt the height of unhappiness.
In addition, there is something we see very often in certain relationships , and that is that one person has high, rigid expectations of the other, where they basically write a script with everything they want to do and say. They confirm themselves in this way.
Barry Schwartz, professor of psychology at Swarthmore College and author of well-known books such as The Paradox of Choice , explains that when it comes to relationships or friendships, we should “economize” on expectations or, instead of limiting them, focus on them. us.
“Do not expect anything from others, expect everything from yourself.” There is a lot of truth in this. We should first invest in our own personal growth and become our best self if we want to stop looking for seemingly perfect people.
The Michelangelo effect
Self-help books remind us that “the best has not yet come” and “what you are waiting for is just around the corner” . And yes, these kinds of approaches fill us with hope and fantasies, they open our eyes to better opportunities. However, we must be careful because thinking that there is always something better out there can lead us to an eternal search that does not bear fruit. An endless wait.
To build on this idea, we have something we call the Michelangelo effect. When Michelangelo, the great Renaissance artist, sees a boulder, he gets a glimpse of a sleeping creature inside it that he wants to wake up. The magic was there, hidden, latent. He just had to take his tools and chop his way, from top to bottom. He shapes only his beautiful art with delicate patience, intelligence, originality and love.
Therefore, high expectations are good as long as they are realistic and motivating. But let us not forget that the best conditions are the ones we work with every day. This is how we create magical, ideal conditions. It is in the daily work where we file off the sharp edges that create curves of common features.
High expectations or not – the humble beauty of every person deserves to be revealed with delicate patience and steadfast commitment.
