Empathy: The Difficult, Rewarding Work Of Putting Ourselves In Other People’s Shoes

We are connected to our inner self, but also to the outside world, and empathy plays an important role in both contexts. And with all the advances in technology, the outside world that we are able to interact with is getting bigger every day.

As the world gets bigger and we get more and more means of communication – but with less information – empathy becomes more difficult.

Think, for example, of how complicated it can be to be empathetic when communicating via text. Or how easy it can be to be empathetic to someone you talk to face to face.

What is empathy? What does it mean to “put ourselves in the shoes of others”?

We can define empathy as the ability to understand the emotional (feelings and emotions) and cognitive (thoughts and ideas) states of other people or ourselves. And this understanding is the result of putting ourselves in the shoes of others.

It is not an easy exercise. To really do that, we need to put aside the stereotypes or heuristics that are so involved in our minds.

On top of this, it is difficult because the other’s world, or even our own, is complicated. It requires a lot of attention.

The truth is that there are people and circumstances where it is easier to be empathetic. For example, it will be easier for us to be empathetic towards people who are similar to us or if they ask for help.

In the first case it is easier to put ourselves in other people’s shoes because they are like our own shoes, and in the second case it is because we are motivated to do so, if we feel that their request is sincere.

Enemies of empathy

Humans  are in part a product of the situations we go through, from the day we were born until now. Indifference has many causes, and some of them are:

• Self-obsession.
• Distrust.
• Loss of assets.
• A personal urge to climb high, at any cost.
• Racial, educational and socio-economic differences.

What can empathy do for us and everyone around us?

Let’s try to answer this question by going through a few different situations:

• Our relationships will work better if we sometimes practice putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. That way we understand the other person’s need for love and where their feelings come from. Accepting the effects of past experiences (both positive and negative) will help your relationship flourish, not just survive.

• For example, let’s say an employee sees an area where the business needs to improve, and her boss gives her what she needs to do it. The employer-employee relationship will be in harmony.
• Being empathetic makes us more sensitive and respectful of others’ boundaries. With empathy, for example, we will be able to understand how frustrated parents of children with autism can feel when they are unable to communicate.
• And why should we be empathetic towards ourselves? Honestly examining our strengths and weaknesses will remind us of who we are and at the same time make it easier to distinguish our identity from others.

Empathy and children

• A teacher will see that her influence grows if she is empathetic with her students. For example, empathy will give her eyes to see that the abusive, violent boy is just copying the behavior he sees at home. Understanding the modesty, hyperactivity, extroversion and sadness of the students makes her job easier and more valuable.

• If parents remembered that they were children and teenagers once too, they would have more understanding and the generation gap would not be so wide. Ultimately, being a parent does not erase all past memories.
• Facilitating empathy in children and adolescents, which appeals to their emotions, is an excellent way to prevent unwanted behavior, such as bullying or doing nothing when they witness it. For example, the KiVa method, which is used in Norway, is aimed at spectators of violence by inspiring empathy for the victim.

As we have seen, putting ourselves in the shoes of others will improve relationships, strengthen bonds, and bring hearts together. It is also very useful in preventing an all-too-common modern path: emptiness and loneliness.