Suicide, An Irreparable Pain For The Bereaved

Suicide is a topic that is kept quiet by the media and that society and the bereaved fight against, even quietly, every day. It is one of the foremost taboo subjects, in part because of all the emotions we see emerge when a tragedy like this happens. When someone we love decides to take their own life, it is often difficult for us to understand, no matter how many times we think about it.

Our minds will be filled the moment they deal with what happened, with millions of questions, doubts and other possible alternatives to not having “allowed” that kind of end. Accepting that the person we loved decided to leave us is a really difficult thing for the human mind to understand.

The shock that hits us can last a long time. Unbelief appears on this gloomy stage and stays nearby for a long time. Denial will also appear. “He would not leave us, something must have happened, because he would not leave us. No, I do not believe that. He would not have wanted to leave his parents like that. “

Suicide makes us feel guilty in a very limiting way

We will seek out every possible explanation, every single one except that our loved one has decided to leave the world of his own free will. All except that they have deliberately made that decision and accepted all the consequences that come with it. If we think about these things, we can be overwhelmed by a feeling that we did nothing to make them stay on the other side, the side of life. That is when anger comes, because we feel let down or treated unfairly. We will feel guilty for not having done more, for not having meant enough.

You did not make the person you loved want to leave life. You are not the reason for their desire to go. You are not responsible for their suicide. These are all the words the bereaved need to hear. They must also integrate them into their new narrative of what happened, and verbalize them.

Often the feeling of guilt comes from not having seen these danger signals. It comes from not being able to avoid the loss of our loved one. “How could I not have seen it? It would have been so easy if I had been there for them. That day… that time. ” We place ourselves in a place that is not true at all. Unfortunately, we could not have done anything more. A person who needs to quit because they can not take the anxiety of being alive anymore, will find a way to go when they can… That way they can.

Anger and lethargy are very common for the bereaved

This is the hard truth to accept. Without blaming yourself. Without feeling and knowing that you were responsible for their loss. It is inner work you must encourage from the beginning, and take seriously. Because irrational and unrealistic feelings can make this pain you have just experienced longer and more difficult.

Anger towards the deceased person is also a very common human emotion. “How could you leave me here? Didn’t they even think about me for a second before they did? ” A kind of hatred fills the emptiness. Anxiety about something inexplicable is one of the most difficult emotions to vent. We can not target them because there is no one to blame.

Dwelling is your most inseparable companion when you have had an experience like this. How long did they have pain? Did they have a small moment of remorse? Do they suffer? And the eternal, discouraged WHY. It is this type of unresolved issues that cannot be easily solved. It takes a lot of inner work to be able to live through it a little more peacefully.

The fear that the bereaved feel that it will happen to someone else they love paralyzes their lives

Fear will appear too… Fear that someone else you love will do the same. The fear that some of us may feel guilty can be so unbearable. This fear ends up taking over many people’s lives. They try to anticipate any small amount of suffering just in case it leads to another tragedy.

And last but not least, the stigma. The isolation many families feel in their lives. The shame they feel because they were “unable” to prevent this tragedy. The silence this creates. The great taboo that comes with such deaths.

They are all natural, completely human emotions we must analyze and validate. It is natural to feel all these feelings, but we must make sure that we get rid of all our irrational feelings of guilt and shame that do not have to be there. That way we can finally put an end to this silence that eats at our souls. Because our souls need to speak, express and feel that they are not alone.

We send out all our love and support to all the survivors who are, tragically, well acquainted with suicide.