5 Things You Can Learn From An Unexpected Breakup
A fracture is an extremely painful experience. It is even worse if one of the parties is still deeply in love with the other person and it is an unexpected breakup. Love can bring many beautiful things to your life, but it can also cause suffering. It’s like the back of a coin. You can not have one without the other, and if you do not know how to treat it, it will crush you on the inside.
However, there are some who manage to get rid of their irrational beliefs about love, relationships and affective bonds. They are almost always the kind of beliefs that our culture has given us. These beliefs leave no room for the idea that love can lead to suffering. But in the end, the Buddha said that ignorance is the root of all mental illness.
In the same way, a large number of thinkers and spiritual teachers have researched and reflected on the importance of thinking correctly and not feeling bad. This also extends into the world of relationships. Are we ignorant of love? Maybe we are, although it’s hard to say for sure. What is clear is that we all need to learn to handle things related to love and relationships much better. Let’s dive deeper into this.
Suffering for love
People suffer too much for love, it’s a sad truth. Even those who talk about how perfect their partner is for them have doubts deep down. They have all these little fears about the future of their relationship.
Who has never suffered from being with the wrong person, feeling less attracted or going through an unexpected breakup? There is nothing more hypersensitive than love. Nothing is as beautiful, and nothing is important to our lives. There are even people who say that not loving anyone is like not living at all.
That’s why going through an unexpected breakup is like seeing your plans disappear on the horizon. You feel like you want to die. Desperation and unbelief seize you. You can do nothing but feel confused and paralyzed. A sense of emptiness sweeps over you.
Rationalization of love?
There are people who say that you can not “understand” love. It is something you have to feel and enjoy, because there is no logic in romance. Nothing could be further from the truth. This kind of sentimental attitude is more than just naive, it is dangerous.
One of the main causes of “love sickness” is the same irrational, unrealistic beliefs we have developed about relationships. Misconceptions about love are one of the biggest sources of suffering in relationships.
But should we rationalize love? Yes, but just enough to stop us from getting drunk. Love is not just something to enjoy. It is also something you have to make part of your faith and your value systems. You need to organize and regulate it to make it more intimate and friendly with your neurons. You have to teach it to fly, instead of cutting its wings.
The lessons of an unexpected break
If you “understand” love and its logic, you can also “understand” a broken heart. There are many things that can cause it. If you see it coming, you will be able to prepare much better for a breakup. But what happens if it is completely unexpected?
This is probably one of the most devastating things that can happen in life. You can learn from everything that happens to yourself. There are some valuable lessons you can learn from an unexpected breakup, and they will help you grow. Here are some of them:
Nothing lasts forever
That is the simple truth. That’s a fact of life. Everything has a beginning and an end. Some things end quickly, and some things take a long time, but it all ends at some point. Couples can make it end due to lack of desire, having different goals, or due to communication problems. There are also couples who stay together all their lives, of course. But when one of them dies, the magic spell is over. There is no way to avoid it.
You can not control everything
Some people try to control every single thing that happens to their partner. They believe that if they are always attentive, they will be able to avoid a breakup. But that’s just not the case. There are some things you can not change, no matter how much you want them to do it. If your partner wants to leave you, they will, no matter what you do.
You can live without a partner
Living life without a partner is just another option in life, like living life with one. They are both valid alternatives. They also have their pros and cons. Everyone knows the benefits of having a partner. Ultimately, not having a partner does not mean giving up love forever.
Life is unpredictable (or at least not as predictable as you think it is)
This has a lot to do with feeling in control. When you go through an unexpected breakup, you realize that it is impossible to predict everything in life. You can make plans for the future, and you should, but you should always plan for the unexpected as well.
Nothing is as awful as it seems in your mind
It’s good to learn to put things in perspective. Is it awful to go through an unexpected breakup? What are the really awful things in life? That your partner is leaving you is not terrible. What is terrible is a deadly disease, a world war, a tragic death of someone you love. These things are awful.
You may think that if your partner leaves you, life will lose all meaning. You worry that you would not be able to move on with life, it would get stuck in a bottomless well. It can really be like that in the beginning. But little by little , the situation will normalize and you will float to the top. I promise.
